We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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