So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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