Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize