a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
