At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
