hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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