I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
