She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
