A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
