he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
