I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
