Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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