U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
