If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
