I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MIDGETS
????
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
