Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
