I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
