I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
