I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
