We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
