Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
