Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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