The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
