whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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