he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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