You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
