Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
