yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
