Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
