I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
