I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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