Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
