i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
