shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
