Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
