He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
