The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
