i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
