the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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