Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
