Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
