she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
