If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
