turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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