i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize