He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Alive.
So much puke
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
