Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
