Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
