what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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