having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
