I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
