You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
