You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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