you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
