nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sober January is a disaster.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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