By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize