just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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