That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
