Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
