I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize