my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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