the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
