doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
