I want to make a zoo with you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
