Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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