What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
