I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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