We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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