I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
