she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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