i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
