So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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